Confessions of a Litigation God: A Legal Affairs Full Length Erotic Novel by Sawyer Bennett

Author:Sawyer Bennett [Bennett, Sawyer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781940883168
Amazon: B00KEH29T4
Publisher: Big Dog Books, LLC
Published: 2014-05-16T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 20

I have got to be the biggest dumbass in the history of the world. The reasons may be too numerous to list, causing a novel the size of which would rival War and Peace.

I’ll just hit the highlights.

Aside from the obvious, that I should have never fucked Mac after I learned her real identity, I would have to say my first screw up was in bringing her flowers. It was a silly and lighthearted gesture on my part that apparently holds a ton of meaning to a woman. While, granted, Mac didn’t simper or make a big deal of the flowers—it was still a mistake. It was a mistake because Mac didn’t simper or make a big deal. That, therefore, gave me a false sense of security with her. I underestimated her girlie side, because she wasn’t blatant about it.

So I figured… I brought her flowers with no major reaction, what could possibly be such a big deal then about flying to Nashville to hold her while her mother died?

Yes, even I know how ludicrous that sounds, but my own ego is so battered right now that I’m through trying to rationalize my actions. It’s just easier to admit I’m a dumbass and try to move on.

Except I can’t move on.

I fucking miss Mac so bad that I’m having trouble sleeping.

Having trouble concentrating.

Not having a hard time jerking off, but that’s only because I have a stockpile of amazingly sexy memories with Mac I can call upon for aid.

But I’m tired of masturbating to the memory of a former lover. How could that ever be satisfying when I’ve had the real Mac?

Probably the biggest reason I’m a dumbass is because I failed to talk to Mac that night at her apartment. Instead, I let that monster-size ego take over, convinced I could fuck Mac into submission. Convinced if I gave her the motherload of all orgasms, that she would forget about her silly ideas of wanting a relationship.

If I had just sat down and listened to her, I would not be sitting here in my office right now, kicking myself in the ass. No, I would have had a reasonable and intelligent conversation with Mac about the fact that I just don’t want anything deeper than what we have. She is a reasonable and intelligent woman. She would have listened and respected my position, just as I respect her position to want more.

I don’t like it, but I respect it.

Big difference.

But no, the biggest screw up was in eating her out versus talking to her. And if I were really a man… one that could meet my problems head on, I could have just been fucking honest with her and said, “Mac… I’ve been hurt badly in the past, and I have these barriers up to protect myself. I just can’t let them down.”

But no… again… Biggest. Dumbass. History. World.

This week has been fucking miserable… staying away from Mac. It’s not just the sex, although that is a large part of it.

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